When I was in first or second grade, the thing to have, aside from pogs, was a pen pal. I don’t exactly remember if my elementary school teachers encouraged this engagement or if it was just a passing fad. Either way, I didn’t like the idea of having a friend I couldn’t play roller hockey with. Who wants a “pal” that you can’t do anything with anyway?

An additional drag on a pen pal friendship at that age was my handwriting. Lets just say I don’t have John Hancock’s penmanship—in kindergarten my motor skills were so poor that my teacher required me to recolor my ABC book.

Craigslist has changed my desire for a pen pal.

In many ways this project is about survival. It began with the goal of living off a website due to a typical post-graduate state of desperation. I do not get money from my parents, friends or well-wishers and, thus far, I have managed to stay afloat. In fact, I am halfway through my stay in Denver and just one pay check from getting out of the red—for those who have not read my rules, I have a security fund of $2,500 which I am permitted to dip into at the beginning of each city and in the case of an extreme emergency.

Of course, the project has developed into an experiment of personal connectedness. It has become a story about the people I work with, live with and hang out with. So connecting, in as many ways as possible, has become a goal I continually focus on.

While I was still in California, I went looking for a pen pal in Denver. I wanted to find a connection before landing in the Mile-High city partly because my circle of friends was quite limited while in the Bay Area. It was something I hoped to change in my second city. I was unsuccessful, but about a week ago I began trading emails with a 45-year-old gentleman.

That’s right, I have a pen pal.

There’s one catch, my pen pal thinks I am a woman. I won’t deny it, I am deceiving him and it doesn’t feel good. But aside from the fact that he thinks I am a female, my sex, honest or not, is largely irrelevant.

We talk about work—which we both have kept fairly vague—hobbies and personal relationships. James, not his real name, does something financially related and he is married. A few times he has mentioned his children but so far we have only touched on the basics.

Something I have pressed my pen pal on is his reasoning for searching for an online friend on Craigslist. In one of my emails I wrote, “[H]ow did you get into Craigslist? A lot of people your age are afraid of online things like this. Not you?”

James responded with the following:

45 may seem old to you but it is not quite so old that I don’t know how to use a computer.  lol…[P]osting on CL was not that big of a hurdle for me.  But I know what you mean.  I think it is a generation above me that has had difficulty picking up on computers.  My mom is completely clueless and avoidant of them, however, my in-laws are very savvy at using personal computers.  So you just never know.

Something else I found interesting, my pen pal posted in Denver but he claims not to live in the area. “I just posted there as I was serious about the email thing and didn’t want to be tempted to meet someone in person.”

It doesn’t really matter if I am male or female—at least that’s what I’m telling myself. Our relationship is the most basic form of friendship that we are meeting both of our needs of connectedness. Besides, it is completely possible that I am not the only person who is being deceptive.

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