There are currently seven people living in my dump of a house. One shower, seven people.

The normal occupancy is three.  There is Barney who has said fewer than 100 words to me. He is a SCAD student and appears to be leaving the house soon. And of course there is Isaiah who prays as frequently as I blink. He too appears to be leaving, though I believe it is against his will. He has not paid utilities in months and has rung up a considerable debt.

And then there is the landlord’s daughter who I have written little about. Up until a few days ago, I’d seen her twice. Now that her parents are in town, the party has moved to our little pigsty.

The landlords are camped out for the week. They are sleeping in their daughters room, their daughter and company are sleeping on the blowup bed in the family common room and I get to enjoy walking over bags of clothes and sleeping bodies on my way to my bedroom. It is a major inconvenience to say the least.

Mrs. Landlord looks a lot like her daughter. She is round, has unkempt dirty blond hair and has deep rings around her eyes that I can only assume have something to do with the glass of boxed wine she seems to always be sipping.

Speaking of boxed wine, the refrigerator is jammed full with the junk. It’s hard to see my five items of food past the Jimmy Dean sausages, milk cartons and soda six-packs.

Of course, not being able to find my food is the least of my concerns. I am incapable of cooking as the kitchen is getting a facelift. Mr. Landlord, a friendly man with a bushy mustache has decided now is the best time to lay new tile. It is a nice attempt to make the house look livable, but a leaky ceiling during a heavy rain and a shoddy hot water heater in my opinion deserve greater attention. Plus, new tile means the stove is out of commission, which has me limited to a microwave. You can’t cook a week’s stew in a microwave so I have been eating yogurt and granola.

I really detest going home to these circumstances so I spend the majority of my time away. I got to work 30 minutes early this morning and am writing this post from a comfortable coffee shop downtown. Anything is better than being at home.

And if this week has not been a complete inconvenience, I have been informed that they may be redoing the bathroom later this month. This would mean no shower for a week.

They leave on Tuesday.

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